16

I...never thought of living past 16.
Not when all emotions died then.

Paths once dreamed of, were nothing more than unattainable fantasies in the distance.

No trust.
No hope.
No heart.

Only pain and confusion.

Hope, not for myself, but for all.
In the end, all hopes were just a foolish wish on my part.

In the end, I'm all alone once more.

The silence screams that resounds in my head all the time.
The distance so wide even when two are inches apart.
The madness that grows day by the day; unsettled.

An existence that shouldn't be and never be.

8 years of borrowed time.

Hereforth

Subtle changes meant to be.
I'm learning as best as I can.

No one realized it, how much I have been drowning.

Even if I know, that I shouldn't be.

Lies upon lies told to us.
Covered, with lies upon lies by us.
I'm drowning in a never-ending cycle.

The search yielded no return; and I know whereforth we should go. 

There's no turning back for us, or returning.

The choice, once again no longer up to us.

Welcome back to the endless cycle of inerasable sins.

Journey of never-ends

Time can make one learn.
Time can make one forget.

Yet time too, can prove.

A rest, is for a greater journey ahead.

But even so, the heart has died.
So much so, no matter how much time has passed, learning can never be.

When you have been bound once, you'll fear.
And once you are free, you'll never want to be bounded again.

Thus, perhaps I have had made up my mind all the while without realizing it at all.

Once again, I didn't chose to walk away.
Because I had never moved.

Planes

To connect what was once impossible through the means of thing it was meant to close.

Distance.

We are all tired, of this never-ending story.

We laugh; we smile.

Trying so hard to hide the fact that we are still drowning.

But swim, we cannot.

Pity?

We're not searching for it.

The scars of mistrust inflicted; the seeds of no-return.

The guilt and the lost of all emotions other than these of hatred.

Who are we kidding, when we put on this facade?

So tired of it all, but what would be left of us if all were to be given up?

My walls are crumbling, but no one can see it nor understand it.

The ones who walked this path can't deny the feelings within them.

Because it is this, that the bonds of fate were forged.

And that, of unexplainable feelings.

Hence, I will trust my back to you.

Voice

Do not speak just to be heard.

Foolish, pathetic humans.

Your feeble actions hold no meaning.

Did you think, that by acting, you would have the world at your feet?

Did you think, that by wanting, you would get everything you want as and when you wanted?

It is such feelings, that makes me hate people like you so much.

So much so, this eternal damnation of hatred will thus never dissipate away.

Am I simply too harsh on myself, harping on emotions that would get me no where?

But even so, this is how I chose to become. No. I have always been this way.

Since the day that you met me, since the day that you started to know me, I have always been as such.

I have no friends. I cannot have friends.

My pride is my everything.

This is my voice.

Your actions for control, your actions to lead, your actions to demand...

You cannot take my heart away.

Because I never had one.

The day that I lost my heart, it never returned.

Try as I might to pick up the shattered pieces, to seek back a heart, I can only choose the path to run away instead.

It may be the past. It may be over. It may never come again.

But the scars that are left, unexplainable to me and even more so to others.

I want to let this out. But I know, there is a reason that I'm holding back.

And hence, before the day that I can truly understand, whereupon it may be on my death bed,

I will continue to lead this way of life with my pride and walk my path with my own strength.

Do not attempt to lead me, do not attempt to control me, do not attempt to think you are faring better than me.

Your efforts, your worth, your value, aren't yours to begin with. You bought everything with money.

You think money would be the solution to everything.

But there is only so much you can bring into the grave with you.

Horizons broadened? No, in the end, you can only merely see the sky that reaches as far as your eyes can see.

You cannot feel, the truly dangerous feelings, nor can you feel, the forbidden feelings.

You live in your own world. No matter how far your feet may take you.

As am I, living in mine. My own world of shattered pieces.

But I know, in this world of mine, this world of nothingness...

My voice, my pride, belongs to me. And will be heard.

No one may hear me, no one may care about me, no one may bother.

But at least, I can hear myself.

And that's all that matters.

My voice. I doubt you can hear it.

May the time you realized, not be too late for you to seek for your own voice.

Death; Night

I will not question.

No.

I do not want to question.

It is marvelous, to view how humans treat one another.

Particularly when one has cease to be of use.

Ah, humanity. What is this that we speak of, when you are frankly no different from animals?

My choice, lies in here.

I will go no where, change no way, and stay, not because I do not have the ability to do so, but because should those who lost their way want to find a way back, I hope, to be the beacon guiding them back.

Hope. Such a foolish notion, and yet it's all that I can rely on.

For those who only have things coming their way when they want it, you'll never understand what is the will to live.

You'll never understand, the pain of sufferings.

And you'll never understand, how those who thought they have gotten rid of the chains, are actually sinking beneath the weight of it.

How ironic. The heart in disarray, beckons to return to where the chains started.

The cycle of never-ending questioning, and never once getting an answer. Perhaps that's where my place should be?

But would you know?

No.

Do you want to know?

Ah. What a silent night. Bring forth my judgement for sinking deep within these sins from time once again.

My gift to you

Over time, I thought about it.

There's no point in me wanting to be in your world.

Hence, I won't even bother to try and get into your world.

For one, I never did want to be in your world.

I had a choice; but I chose to give it up.

It is not because of the reason that I said it was, although everyone chose to believe in it.

Perhaps, this is the world of mine; my AB world. The world where no one should ever know what I really mean.

To see others wanting into your world to the point of disregarding my existence, I'm contented.

Don't think that I have changed. I never change.

It is merely you who is changing, merely you who is accepting, merely you who is embracing the change.

Six years ago...I haven't forgotten what I had promised to do.

Hence, I will keep doing it. For as long as I can.

I do not know what celebrations are; do not care for it is.

Though I wish you well in the days and months to come, I do not know how to say good bye.

Do I want to see you again? I do not know. For now, I am not in your world.

And I do not expect you to understand and be in my world. Because if you do, you would already know what I mean when I say it.

Do I need the company from you, because I will cease to exist on my own?

Don't be too full of yourself. You never did know me.

I have walked this path alone from the very beginning. I am alone.

Henceforth, I will just continue on my path; my own way.